If you’re teaching, homeschooling, or parenting, using reward cards, like the one I’m sharing today, might be the key to helping your child’s attitude…and yours too!
It’s not too often that I open up and share a behind-the-scenes look into our homeschooling journey, but today I am. I pray that some mama {or dad} somewhere will be encouraged as I share from my heart.
The last few months of homeschooling my second grader have been particularly hard, tiring, and draining. Did I mention they were hard? Almost everything I tried with him was met with, “I don’t want to do this.” or “I don’t like this.” or “I don’t like school.” There were many days I wanted to throw in the towel. {This attitude was noticed for more than just schoolwork, but it was more blatant during school time.}
I thought taking a nice break over the summer would be beneficial and that we could start fresh again this year. While things have been going better this school year, the bad attitude started to sneak in at about week 2. I decided it was time to pull out the “big guns”.
I Had it Backwards
In our home, our kids are allowed 30 minutes of screen time, either to play on our iPad or the computer. We also use the iPad and computer for schoolwork, but other “fun” apps and websites are only reserved for after school. My kids really look forward to this time.
I thought that using the same screen system my kids did last year would do the trick. My kids always started with 30 minutes of screen, but with every infraction during schoolwork time {negative attitude, unwillingness to do work, etc.}, I’d take away 5 minutes of screen time.
We did this for about two weeks this school year and the attitude just seemed to get worse. And I didn’t like mine either, if I’m quite honest. Lots of nagging, fussing, and unkind under the breath comments by an exhausted mama! *Sigh*
Finally, I brought up the problem at church last Sunday and asked others to pray. A sweet friend {whose job is working with children who have behavior issues} offered me some words of advice and I listened carefully. She said that my idea, while a good one, was a little backwards.
Using an Incentive {aka Reward Cards}
Instead of starting with 30 minutes and taking away time, we should start each morning at zero minutes and my kids should earn their time. She went on to explain that by starting at 30 and taking away, I’m focusing most of my attention and energy on looking for negative behaviors and attitudes. My second grader’s good attitudes and behaviors had taken quite the backseat.
By starting him at zero, my energy would be spent looking for and rewarding the attitudes and behaviors that were praiseworthy. Ding, ding, ding~we have a winner! That’s the piece I had been missing. Because to be quite honest, I knew I loved my son {would walk through a fire to save him}. But I was beginning to not like him so much. All because of my focus…negative, negative, negative…and I’m sure he could sense that, too.
Last Sunday, I sat down with my second grader. We both agreed that the new system, using reward cards, would be more positive for both of us.
I created a new system using reward cards for him {see the FREE download at the end of the post} and explained that when I noticed praiseworthy attitudes and work, he would earn 5 minutes of screen time. I’m happy to report that this past week was MUCH better–yay!
The reward system is still new to us, BUT it has had a surprising twist. My relationship with him has greatly improved, mostly on my part. I’m no longer looking for his negative behavior to “zap” him, but looking for obedience so I can bless him {ahem…reminds me of my Heavenly Father}. And he’s still a kid.
Kids can have negative attitudes and behaviors sometimes. Mamas can, too. But the shift came for me when I realized that I was perpetuating the problem by focusing on the negative, neglecting the good I saw in him.
I’m sharing our reward cards system with you for free. I am not claiming to have found “the answer” that will solve all our problems nor yours. But please be encouraged to know that whether you homeschool or not, parenting is HARD. There’s rarely anything easy about it. I pray. I pray A LOT. Sometimes God requires the change in my child and other times {most of the time} it seems I’m the one that needs the change!
Please note that while I used our rewards system in this manner, you can adapt it for your purposes. I’ve even included blank templates for each kind of reward if you’d like to fill it in to suit your purposes. 🙂
 
Download your FREE Reward Cards Printable HERE.
Enjoy teaching!
~Becky
You are a blessing to all of us homeschool moms!!
Aw, thank you.
Your idea has come at the most needed time for me. Thank you so much for opening up with us. Many people will benefit from your generosity.
Thank you! I really needed this. We just started homeschooling and have a similar problem.
I love this! Thank you! You have blessed my day.
Wow, thank you for this wonderful blog. I have my own ALuv and he is in 1st grade and everything is a fight. I love this idea (I thought your original one was good but then I saw the wisdom in encouraging positive behavior instead of the negative behavior). Thanks for sharing your heart today – as it is a help to this mama!! May the Lord bless you on this Friday morning.
It’s not easy, is it? 🙂 May God bless you as well.
Yes, rewarding positive behavior is so much better for everyone than focusing on negatives. We have a similar system at home with fake coins into a glass cylinder, and my daughter loves earning coins for extraordinary kindness, responsibility or persistence.
I like how you focus on encouraging her character.
thank you for your honesty! this definitely creeps into our homeschool days as well and it’s relieving to remember that i’m not the only one dealing with isses!
You’re definitely not the only one. 🙂
It may work for awhile but may I suggest purusing Alfie Kohn’s website at alfiekohn.org and reading this article http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/pbracwak.htm Some very interesting theories and ideas for raising our children…..
Thank you so much!
Thanks, Becky, for such an honest post. Like you, I’ve tried both reward systems and have found rewarding the positive behaviour benefits both my children and myself. We use small coloured plastic pegs which the boys clip onto their charts. The pegs can then be traded in for computer time or pocket money. I’ve found the boys go to extra efforts to earn the pegs when they’re offered as rewards. Thanks for sharing.
Love it! (BTW, my kids are still enjoying your stories!)
That’s what I needed!!!
Like you, we also have screening limit, they have 30min for computer, and another 30 for TV, but they cannot use them at once, unless is a short 60 movie. My question is: do you set a limit of how many minutes he can earn in a day? I don’t want to reward them with 90min on a day! IF they get so good on the behavior 🙂 which it would be nice 🙂
Thanks for any input.
I have a limit of 30 minutes of free screen time that he can earn. He gets about 30 minutes each day during the schoolwork to “work” on the screen (abcya.com or learning apps). He doesn’t watch a ton of TV, but we do sometimes in the evening put a DVD on or something.
Thank you! I needed something like this. While we dont homeschool, it seems lately my 5 yo bounces from tv to computer to the ipad! So maybe this will help him earn his screen time! Thanks, you are a blessing!
Yes, I think limiting screen time is vitally important for so many reasons! Maybe you and he could make a list of the things he likes to do (we’re talking simple), put all those things in a jar, and let him pick from it when he wants to get on that screen. 🙂
Thank you for this, I just found your blog through Pinterest and am excited to teach my 3yo to read using your Reading the Alphabet. Both my 3yo and my 1st grader could use this system. 🙂
Wonderful. Thank you for stopping by to leave a comment. Let me know if you have any questions. 🙂
Wonderful!
Thanks so much for your honest words, and the freebie! We’ve been having similar issues in our house lately and it seems like I keep “grounding” my boys from screens, with little effect. I can’t wait to try out this system and see if it encourages nice behavior instead of focusing on discouraging the bad.
Linking to you in my post for Imperfect Lives Revealed 🙂
http://www.happyandblessedhome.com/2013/10/words-of-encouragement-beautiful-mess.html
Thank you, Monica!
God bless you! I am experiencing very similar issues…thank you so much for your generosity!
You’re welcome.
Just found your blog it is wonderful. Thank you for sharing this! We are new to homeschooling and your blog is a wonderful resource and encouragement.
I’m so glad I could be of help. 🙂
Thank you so much! I find myself focusing mostly on negative behaviors. It is emotionally exhausting. I look forward to using these rewards with my kids!
Thanks Becky, for recommending this post. Will give it a try, oh, and keep on praying too…
Thank you so much!! These are exactly what I was looking for. I shared on pinterest.
Thanks for sharing! 🙂