I am taking a little break today from my normal posting routine of free printables and hands-on learning activities to share something from the heart. Something that’s been on my heart for a few years. Something that is brought to the forefront more and more as my kids age. Today, I am simply sharing how we hush the hustle and bustle of Christmas with one simple tip: my kids don’t make a Christmas list.
I know people mean well when they stop and ask my kids, “What’s on your Christmas list for Santa to bring you this year?” This happens everywhere we go this time of year, even at church. Usually my kids respond with a blank stare or a look of confusion. You see, my kids don’t make a Christmas list. They never have.
No Christmas List for my Kids
Before you call me crazy, please understand that my kids are HAPPY kids. They enjoy life. They have everything they need AND MORE. But Christmas isn’t about them. It’s not even about me. In our home, it’s a time to celebrate and remember a loving God who sent his Son, His only Son, to become a human just like us. It’s about reminding ourselves through tangible ways that we are here to help and serve others who are in need. And while there are gifts {yes, they still get presents}, they are not our focus.
Now, my kids devour the toy catalogs that come in the mail just like any other child. They may even request a toy. But I am quick to respond with, “Wow, that is a cool toy. Maybe you can ask for it for your birthday.” You see, their birthday is about them. And there are plenty other days of the year that are about them; but Christmas is not.
What We Do Instead
1. We encourage them to think about what they could make or buy someone else {either in our family or someone else in need}. We encourage them to get outside of their “me box” and think about someone else. It may be as simple as a special card for that elderly neighbor or spending their chore money on a pack of gum for a sibling.
2. We give to and help others. We have done lots of things over the years, such as the Samaritan’s shoe boxes, but when kids see someone else in need, really in need, it helps that entitled attitude {those “I wants” and “Gimmes”} to die back for a while. It can really put things into perspective. And when kids can do something to help a person in need…wow; that’s powerful stuff.
We used to {and I hope to start this tradition back up eventually} host a brunch in our home on Christmas day for those in our community that didn’t have family close by or a place to celebrate on Christmas day. I’ll never forget the Christmas day brunch when a mom of two little ones entered our front door with tears pouring down her face because she had felt so lonely and now had a place to come and be with others.
3. We surprise them with 3 gifts, to represent the 3 gifts of the Wisemen. The gifts are usually: 1- something they will enjoy {usually a toy}, 2- books, and 3-pajamas {my kids LOVE getting these each year}. Notice I said, “surprise”. I like to think about my kids’ interests and hobbies, and then pick a gift that will match them and may even last a few years. This adds to the anticipation of Christmas morning, because my kids don’t know what’s under that tree for them.
4. We celebrate all season. Yes, we have a tree and Christmas lights galore {thanks to my oldest son} and this starts going up the moment we eat the last crumb of dessert from Thanksgiving. If it was up to my kids, our Christmas decor would go up in early October.
We celebrate with our Jesse Tree Advent Cards {and usually our Jesse Tree/ornaments}, taking time to think about the Gift that was sent to us each day. On Christmas day, the kids help me make a birthday cake for Jesus and we sing, “Happy Birthday” to Him.
5. We leave the guy in the red suit out {mostly}. Yes, I am “that mom” I swore as a teenager that I would never be. But I just don’t buy into the whole Santa thing. Part of it is from my studies of Montessori {and not confusing the child by saying something that’s pretend is real, etc.}, but the other part just doesn’t want to go there. We talk about who St. Nicholas was. We even do activities with Santa in them, like the ones in our Christmas Pre-K/K Pack, but we don’t focus on Santa or the Christmas list for him. Do I frown on those who do? Absolutely not. He’s just not a big part of our Christmas.
Now Wait a Minute…
Can’t it be both Christmas lists and thinking of others? Can’t it be both Santa and Jesus? Absolutely. I was raised in a God-fearing home that did both. It’s just a choice my husband and I are making for our family and our kids. My own kids may grow up and do it differently and that’s okay, too!
Aren’t we supposed to help others year-round? Yes, yes, yes! This is a part of a lifestyle we strive to live by each day of the year, even in simple ways. And it’s a lifestyle I hope to pass along to my kids. I want to be a mom who models for my kids how to look out for the needs of others and meet those when I can.
My purpose in posting this is just to challenge all of us to reflect on the idea that Christmas isn’t about us. It’s not about making a Christmas list of our wants. It’s about looking at the needs of others and meeting those. And about looking to the One who provides for our needs each day.
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~Becky
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[…] and limited…and with all of that I came across a beautiful blog post entitled “Why my kids don’t write Christmas lists” and it spoke straight to my heart. This post addressed some of the things I wanted to focus […]
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You’re right, it is possible to do both…but it never hurts to help children turn the focus out a little.
Yes, it truly a balancing act, isn’t it?
What a great post! Thanks for sharing. We do Santa and Christmas lists in our home (with a 3 present limit for the same reason you do), but we also do the shoeboxes, angel tree and toys for tots. It can be a struggle in our “it’s all about me” society to teach kids to look outside themselves. I was actually proud of my kids this year because they had a hard time making their lists. They didn’t really want anything specific so why did I push them to do it? You’ve given me a lot to think about.
Thank you for your post. It’s nice to read about how another family celebrate more “quietly”.
I really enjoyed reading this post. Thank you for sharing! I’m working this year to make Christmas more meaningful. I like the idea of a couple of your traditions. We just might make Jesus a birthday cake this year!
We are similar. We give gifts but don’t put under the tree until right before. We do many things to give to others. We always do Advent. We don’t teach Santa but we have talked about him but focus on the real St. Nick. Christmas for us is about Jesus and giving!
We have a three year old and never really did Santa the first two years, but he saw movies and heard things, so this year he is curious. We talked about him and we did answer his questions, but we dont bring Santa up or make him the focus. I love the idea of sharing the historical St. Nicholas though and will have to include that in the next couple of weeks.
We have started the Christmas Angel note in our house this year, focusing on uplifting each other and helping each other in our house. Each morning there is a note in the countdown calendar highlighting a good deed my son did the day before or highlighting his AWESOME choices. Our son LOVES it. His face lights up when he sees the note in the next day of the countdown calendar, and he jumps up and down shouting, “Let’s read it!”
Beautiful post…thanks for sharing!
Oh my word! We must be kindred spirits! I adore this post so much. Beyond words can possibly articulate…thank you for posting <3
We are similar, but I’m curious what you do for family members who want to give gifts. Will your kids and make lists for them or do they do something different? I like the idea of no lists 🙂
Great question, Heather. I keep a “secret list” of things I know they will like or things they need and share that in private with family members.
Love this Becky! We’ve never had the kids make lists either… I make them for family so they don’t get into the “I didn’t get what I wanted” mindset… they are just surprised and pleased. I think we will work on tailoring back the number of gifts too…..we already have so much. And we are with you on pushing the real reason for Christmas!
I really love this! Thanks for sharing Becky. We starting doing more giving back these past few Christmas as well as less presents for kids and you know what? They don’t notice that there are less gifts as there are still plenty!! And they really do love the service portion and being able to help kids who are less fortunate. That’s really a gift in and of itself.
Yes, it is a gift to serve and help others. Sometimes, we go thinking we are doing something good to change them and we realize WE come home changed forever.
This is an excellent post. However, if you wrote it from a joyful perspective instead of a “let me tell you” perspective you would get more people to agree with you. Perhaps instead of the list you could write special memories of how your traditions have touched your family. Good luck!
Love your post, Becky. We have always done the “three gifts” idea you shared. Books are always a gift, a toy… and this year we are doing a share gift for two of our girls as the third gift. Lots of great opportunities to learn what really matters most and shape their hearts for eternity. Blessings to you and yours! Kay
In my kindergarten class we are doing “Radom Acts of Christmas Kindness”. Each day the kids pick someone to surprise. The first day it was the ladies in the cafeteria, then the principal, the custodian, etc. They all make cards, and brainstorm special messages to put on them. We decide on a little gift (cookies for the cafeteria, a bag with Hershey Hugs and Kisses for the principal). The kids are getting great joy from giving to others- a first experience for many. We’ve also made cards for the VA hospital.
Those are such great ideas!
I love this! We don’t make lists either and my kids always have a blank stare when people ask what’s on their list! Great post!
That is just awesome! I love how you go about it! It’s easy to get wrapped up in the giving and, even more, the getting this time of year. Your kids know what the season is really about and that’s priceless! 🙂
I love this! We still do Santa and lists mainly bc my husband is not keen on getting rid of Santa, but Jesus is first in our house and giving (making another feel great like we do when we receive a gift) is our mission. We have done the 3-gift limit, but this year are doing one, because my kids still get gifts from other family too, so one gift from each set of grandparents, family members, us, etc. is still a lot! You are right that the lessons of Christmas and giving-and the joy of our receiving God’s most precious gift in Jesus-is a year-round event. Little by little kids learn. Thanks for focusing us on what is really important.
It is nice that the past couple years I have read more and more of family’s who don’t do Santa or Christmas List’s. I was a very young single mother and never did either. My family and friends all thought I was insane. But my son grew up knowing that this holiday is not for him, (we are not religious) but a time to spend with family and friends. It’s also a time to reflect and give back to those less fortunate than us. I think he has benefited from this as he is now 14 and one of the most caring, considerate young men I know. I can see his faults, but those are not part of them.
I do love this post. I believe Christmas IS about us. God sent His Son here for us. He loved us that much. But I know what you mean. We don’t want our kids to lose focus of why we celebrate Christmas.
We do Santa Clause, and see him as a ” ty